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The surgery was necessary to save Mertens’ life. But it came with known risks.

“I went into surgery pretty normal, and I came out with my whole left side paralyzed,” said Mertens, now 48. It took him six months to regain some movement and learn to walk again. He says he “walks like a pirate,” and he mostly relies on a scooter or wheelchair for any extended period of mobility.

Prior to his diagnosis and surgery, Mertens lived an active life — hunting, fishing and building.

He can’t do much of that anymore.

“This has been a life-changing experience,” Mertens said. “I can’t put my shoes and socks on by myself.”

He continues to work as a fleet manager at a manufacturing company and relies on his wife, Stacy, for help with day-to-day tasks. They have four children and have lived in the Monticello West neighborhood of O’Fallon, Missouri, for the past 19 years.

They are among the 75 million Americans who live in an HOA-managed community. That’s more than 30% of homeowners nationally. These private organizations set and enforce rules for property owners in their jurisdictions, and members are required to pay fees. Failure to follow the rules can lead to fines — or worse consequences, such as placing a lien on private property, or even foreclosure.

The Mertens have never experienced any kind of problem until recently.

In December, they received an email from Libby Schubert, their neighborhood representative with the Community Property Management company, with a photo of their Weber grill in the top corner of their driveway. They were instructed to remove the grill and a nearby table, the placement of which was found to be in violation of rules.

The Mertens requested a meeting with the HOA board to explain their situation.

In the meeting, held on May 21, Stacy explained to the board that the family uses the grill year-round, and that her husband — who is disabled from his cancer treatment — cannot physically go up and down the stairs leading to the back patio. Even if he could get to it, the patio doesn’t have enough space for him to turn around, given his disability. He can’t push or pull heavy objects, so he’s unable to move the grill and table into the garage every time he uses them.

Matt parks his truck on the driveway, so the grill isn’t even visible from the street when his truck is there. A large, landscaped bush blocks the view from the side. Not a single neighbor has ever complained to them about it.

The board was unmoved.

The president told them they needed to get their priorities straight — either stow the items away when not in use, or sell them, according to the Mertens. They were told to resolve the issue by Sept. 1 or the rule-violation process would continue against them.

Stacy and Matt were devastated and angry by the lack of empathy and respect shown to them.

I reached out to Community Property Management to ask about the situation, and Schubert sent an email: “On 5/21/25 the homeowners met with four members of our HOA board, and one member of our HOA management company. All fines were waived, and a corrective plan of action was agreed to by the homeowners.” CPM declined any interviews with a member of the management company or board members.

The Mertens said they never agreed to a “corrective plan of action.” In fact, Stacy has researched St. Charles County’s fair housing policy, which prevents discrimination against individuals with disabilities. She has filed complaints with the county and with the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development.

“The lack of empathy and compassion and inability to see humans as humans” has upset her the most, she said.

The overreach, pettiness and abuse of power by HOAs around the country have been reported and debated for years. In a culture where appearances matter more than human dignity and compassion, HOAs can attract petty tyrants.

This small squabble speaks to a much larger issue — the trickle-down effect of cruelty as policy and empathy as weakness.

Matt said he wants to hold on to one important part of his pre-cancer life. The cancer and surgery robbed him of so much of his independence: He’s had to give up working in his shop in the basement, hunting, fishing and most other physical activities. But he’s been barbecuing since he was a kid. He’s passionate about his grill and smoker.

At least once a week, regardless of the weather, he’s grilling pork steaks, chicken thighs or smoking a chicken in the rotisserie to feed his family. He’s made meatloaf stuffed with peppers and cheese and a ribeye roast out there on his driveway.

He doesn’t like to talk much about how the cancer and the surgery upended his life.

“It’s been hard on the whole family,” he said. “I don’t tell most of my friends because it’s embarrassing to me.”

But he and Stacy felt compelled to speak out and fight back against the HOA’s unrelenting battle against the barbecue.

“We’re just so appalled that they really don’t care,” Stacy said.